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Section 1
Introduction

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Counting to Ten Myth
When anger is used correctly, it can have positive results! However, this is a strange reality for some people. If you had told me during the first half of my life that there is a positive side to anger, I would have thought you were crazy.

All of us have witnessed anger destroying relationships, pushing people away, causing pain and hardship. Thinking about anger in positive terms is alien in most people’s experiences. However, a healthy expression of anger is a component for building and maintaining successful relationships! If you want to use anger in a healthy and constructive manner, this book contains techniques necessary for that change. People who manage their emotions are calmer, the people they love are happier; and this book provides a blueprint for that change.

As a little boy, when I would get angry, my mother would say, "Count to ten." Try as I might, I could not make this advice work for me. By the time I reached the number ten, I was madder than when I started!

Numerous attempts at managing my anger by counting to ten continued well into my forties. With my long history of blowing my top, I often hurt the very people I loved the most. I knew I had to change.

Over 25 years of working as a therapist helping my clients manage their anger, I have discovered some powerful anger management tools. I will show you the coping skills necessary to change anger and other powerful and sometimes destructive emotions into a positive force for good. I had to learn what was necessary to do while I counted to ten and I now help others manage their emotions. The simple formula has proven successful for many of my clients.

When people use the lessons in this magical little book, they are able to express love instead of destruction. I firmly believe you are that person.

Is anger ever appropriate? Yes. What kind of anger is appropriate? Is anger selfish? Often it is considered selfish but what it really conveys is caring; if a person did not care, why would they be angry? Granted, anger can be misplaced and is often destructive, but anger generates passion, and that energy, if used correctly, can be highly constructive.

What about other emotions? Can this system work for the management of grief, revenge, jealousy, despair, etc.? Yes, this system is effective with the full rainbow of human emotions.

Setting the Conversation

On this adventure into anger management, you will experience mental health counseling sessions where two men discuss anger. The client has a very destructive anger problem and is devastated with the realization of the damage his anger has caused his family.

Although these characters assume different names to protect their anonymity, they are both real people and the dialogue is actual. Both have provided their permission to share this spotlight and they agreed to share this very personal experience with you.

Characters:
In these therapy sessions, Mr. Jack Walton is the mental health client and Mr. Eli Carlson is the licensed Professional Counselor.

Jack Walton is the client. Jack is a recently separated man in his early 40’s with two children and a history of volatile anger that he acknowledges to be a significant part of the reason for the breakup of his marriage, and the estrangement from his children. Although no physical abuse occurred, he is aware of the emotional abuse his behavior caused.

His son went through treatment for substance abuse, but has recently relapsed back into his drug addiction. Jack is now attending the family portion of his son’s treatment program, and is attending weekly Al-Anon meetings where he is learning how to deal with his son’s substance abuse problem and how to develop healthy relationship skills. Jack recognizes he has a severe anger problem that needs to be changed. At this moment, he is unaware of his daughter’s addiction to alcohol and drugs.
Jack is a successful executive, but the severe economic downturn has substantially affected his earnings. Because of his company’s current financial trouble, he was terminated, ending a 10-year employment history.

His 20-year marriage was always rocky. Both he and his wife misused their anger and other strong emotions, and this constant tension turned the love they once had into bitterness and disdain. Although he wants to reconcile with his wife, he knows the hostile atmosphere they created is not good for the healthy exchange of love that he desperately craves, but doesn’t know how to obtain.

Jack is a good man with a bad temper; a man who has a great deal of love in his heart, but his strong unmanaged emotions keep getting in the way, and cause his love to be destructive, exactly the opposite of want he wanted.

Both his teenage children are acting out with alcohol, drugs, truancy, and sexual activity. With the loss of his employment, he is experiencing intense financial pressure that has significantly contributed to the fracturing of his family. He feels guilty and blames himself for all that has happened to his family.

Eli Carlson, LPC is the counselor. Eli specializes in anger management, substance abuse treatment, and relationship issues, He is in his mid-60’s, once divorced, and currently enjoying his second marriage of almost 20 years. Many years ago, he experienced a very intense anger problem that he has since learned to manage.

They meet in an old house converted to an office building on a busy street located in the state capital of a Deep South state. They previously had a consultation visit where JACK, CLIENT’s background information was obtained and a degree of trust was established. The story opens with JACK, CLIENT’s first actual counseling session with Eli, Therapist.

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