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Appendix - Client Reproducible Worksheets

Test | Table of Contents

Golden Nuggets
Review Track 1 for more information on this technique.

1. When a bully starts using prejudice as a weapon against you, keep asking him or her questions until you find a ‘golden nugget’ of truth or goodness in what the bully is saying. 
2. Once you find a small sparkle of goodness, you can then use the agreeing or turning insults into compliments technique.

Expressing Feelings
Review Track 2 for more information on this technique.

1.  State your feelings to the bully using I-statements.  Using I-statements emphasizes that you are stating your opinion.
2.  Avoid using ‘you’s or ‘should’s.  By using ‘you’ or ‘should’, you may come across as being critical, which may decrease the chance the bully will respond positively.

Feeding Back
Review Track 3 for more information on this technique.

1.  Try focusing on ignoring the bully’s words, and concentrate on feeding the feelings behind the statements back to the bully.
Bully: "You know I could beat you to a pulp any time I wanted!"
Charlie: "I don’t blame you for being angry.  Your team played really well, and it must not seem fair that my team won."
Bully: "Just shut up!  I don’t want to hear about your team!"
Charlie:  "Do you know how well you played?"
Bully: "If we had played well, we would have won, stupid!"
Charlie: "You sound even angrier at yourself than you do at me.  I know you always try your hardest and you usually do well.  You’re not used to making mistakes like I am."
Bully: "I can’t stand losing!"

Understanding & Sympathy
Review Track 3 for more information on this technique.

1.  By showing a bully you understand why she or he is angry, you give the bully a chance to calm down before she or he acts.
Example: Charlie accidentally bumps into a bully.
Bully: "You stupid idiot!  Why don’t you watch where you’re going?"
Charlie: "That really was quite a crash.  I must have startled you."
Bully: "You certainly did!  How can you be so clumsy?!"
Charlie: "I know it’s awfully upsetting when someone bumps into you…"

Name That Feeling
Review Track 3 for more information on this technique.

1.  Use a question to point out habitual feelings of suspicion, disappointment, distrust, or dissatisfaction in the bully’s statements.
Example: ‘What happened to make you have such a hard time trusting people?  I’d like to hear about it.’

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