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But I have such a Great Catch! Treating Abusive Controlling Relationships

Appendix A
Facts versus Myths about Controlling Relationships

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Urban Legend or myth #1 - Drugs and Alcohol:
According to National studies, although there is a high correlation between alcohol, or other substance abuse, and battering, it is not a casual relationship. Batterers use drinking as one of many excuses for their violence and as a way to place the responsibility for their violence elsewhere. Stopping the abuser's drinking will not stop the violence. Both battering and substance abuse need to be addressed separately, as overlapping yet independent problems.

Urban Legend or myth #2 – Unhealthy Childhood:
It is important to keep in mind that, while some men and women were abused as children and they may suffer from depression or other aftereffects, childhood abuse does not turn them into abusers. The National Institute of Health has indicated that approximately 65-85% of adults who were abused as children do not grow up to abuse their children. While someone may have had an unhealthy childhood, they still have the ability to make different choices.

Urban Legend or myth #3. – Stress:
Life is full of stress, but stress is never the sole “cause” of abuse. We all have stress and most are able to find ways of coping with it without abusing others.

Urban Legend or myth #4 – Insecurity:
I am sure you have found, like I, that many women see insecurity as an excuse for justifying their partner's behavior.

Urban Legend or myth #5 – Inner feeelings:
Popular psychology teaches that people should express their inner feelings. National Institute of Health studies have illustrated that people who vent their anger become even angrier. Sometimes these sessions lead to the encouragement of abusive people to “vent their emotions.” The result is that they feel they have gained authoritative support for their explosive tirades.

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