Healthcare Training Institute - Quality Education since 1979
CE for Psychologist, Social Worker, Counselor, & MFT!!
Because of early social pressure to be good girls and little ladies, women get the message that being confrontational isnt acceptable. Often in a negotiation, women hear their inner voice say Speak Up, but many squelch these messages because of upbringing and the early lesson discouraging complaint. Women have been socialized to avoid verbal confrontation more than men and to speak more politely.
Everyone is susceptible to these basic differences between men and women. Even if you think you personally dont fit the typical mold for your gender, youre sure to negotiate with men and women who do.
The following sections contain four strategies for women who want men to hear them. If you practice one of these strategies each week, youll quickly alter the way others perceive you. The prerequisite is to start listening to yourself. Awareness is the first step to any behavioral change. Accept and grow, or be left in the dust in this hardball world of negotiating. These strategies are based on making yourself heard in present-day negotiations in which the successful role model has been, up to now, a no-nonsense, concise leader.
#1: Avoid apologies
If you dont have confidence in what you say, how can you expect anybody else to have faith in you? Listen to yourself or ask a trusted friend. If you find that you have this damaging habit, start practicing today to get rid of it. Remember, awareness is the first step to behavioral change, and you are now aware.
a just a few examples:
#2: Be Brief
Women bond through stories. You walk up to a woman you hardly know. You say, Gee, I love that pin. Its beautiful. And she says, Thank you, and proceeds to tell you the story behind the pin, because there is one. Women have a story for every piece of clothing and jewelery on their bodies. They have a story for their haircut. Some of them have stories about their hair color. You find something in their story you can relate to and tell her a story back. If you have enough stories in common, you will bond. Men may arm wrestle to build a relationship. Women talk to build a relationship.
Women generally use more details in their conversations than men. The information you want the male listener to hear may be lost in all the details. Watch for signs that a male listener is glazing over and cut down on the number of words immediately. In fact, tell men right at the start how long the story will take and stay within the allotted time. Men feel they are responsible for the energy they allot to a certain activity. So they feel they need to set their energy clocks, so they dont run out of energy. Running out of energy makes them feel out of control - a feeling they hate.
#3: Be Direct - dont hint
#4: Avoid emotional displays
The place that start curtailing emotional displays is on the job. The crying person seems to demand a sympathetic response from the listener. Someone who is sobbing also signals to the listener and observers that, for the moment at least, this person is not capable of handling a situation. Crying also annoys and angers people who have shut off their own feeling. If they dont want to deal with their own feelings, they dont want to deal with anyone elses. Men may feel a woman who cries is being manipulative.
If you feel a cry coming on, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, cry your eyes out, take a deep breath, and go back to the meeting without risking that particular mistake. If you are prone to crying, be sure you carry eyedrops to remove the redness from your eyes.
Love Goes Wrong, Ann Jones and Susan Schechter, Harper Collins Publishers,
Reflection Exercise #6
The article above contains foundational information. Articles below contain optional updates.
More Articles on 50+ topics
When One Person Changes in a Relationship - May 25, 2017
We seek relationships for a variety of purposes — safety and security, love and intimacy, to satisfy physical, emotional and spiritual needs, to name a few — and it is […]
Book Review: What Love Is & What It Could Be - May 23, 2017
On the first page of What Love Is and What It Could Be, author Carrie Jenkins lets readers know that she is a philosopher and that she has both a […]
Understanding Anger Can Empower Women to Live Authentic Lives - May 10, 2017
Has anger ever taken the best of you? Have you ever regretted your reaction because you felt out of control? Did shame overwhelm you after these incidents? You are not […]
My Loved One Is Using Drugs - May 08, 2017
One of the worst discoveries a family member can make is that their child, sibling, spouse, parent has been using drugs. If you fall in the category of family member, […]
Experienced Heartbreak? The 5 Stages of Abandonment - May 07, 2017
One night Susan Andersonâ€™s significant other, the love of her life, told her that he didnâ€™t love her anymore — and he was leaving. â€śIt came as a complete shock,â€ť […]