Healthcare Training Institute - Quality Education since 1979
CE for Psychologist, Social Worker, Counselor, & MFT!!
Through our experiences, we absorb a number of inner rules - have-tos can be quite powerful in influencing our choices. Fifty of these rules are listed here. You may have others add.
if any of your rules are in conflict with each other, such as having to be in
control of the your significant other, but also having to follow orders. For example,
if you have the urge to break the rules to see what happens but also feel the
need to keep peace at any price or to be liked, your inner conflicts may confused
others by double meanings you are likely to send.
fifty rules came from what many people have learned from male and female role
expectations and the work ethic. Undoubtedly, the list could be expanded almost
infinitely if we added the rules from other sources of our learnings. Every system
has its rules - their shoulds and oughts and no-nos. When system rules match
your own inner rules, you are likely to do what others expect even when its
not in your best interest. For example, if you and the system youre in agree
on the rule, You have to not make waves, you will probably voluntarily
go along with what others say most of the time. Sometimes this wont serve
you self-interest if, lets say, youre asked to be patient about receiving
a raise that everyone agrees youve already earned.
if you dont know how youre going to make these changes, youre
at least identifying what better results youd like to get. This is like
cleaning out a clothes closet, sorting out the items to take to the tailor, which
to discard, which to start wearing again, and making room for new clothes that
fit your current interests and activities. Well see some ways of how to
revise old rules as we go along. Right now were bringing them to conscious
awareness and review.
of expectations and rules are fairly easy to identify. Once you become attuned
to their themes, you may observe many subtle variations operating in yourself.
More difficult to identify are the filters of underlying values that are often
unconscious, so much a part of ourselves the we dont think about them or
observe them in action. Some values are rich in human concerns; other values have
the effect of using or exploiting other people. Since were focusing on defensive
communication, well narrow our attention to values that tend to generate
defensiveness in ourselves and others.
The article above contains foundational information. Articles below contain optional updates.
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